Under the Knife

As of today I have lived in L.A. for four years.
4 years and I haven't dyed my hair, had plastic surgery, or slept with anyone to get ahead in "the biz"
Yay me!

Too Much Sugar

I had a dream the other night that I woke up from my "in dream sleep" and was sleeping near a bear and I was freaking out because I needed to leave to room before the bear mauled my brains out.
So I exit the room somehow and there's more bears!
I scream for my Dad and he runs out and I say
"Dad! We need to get out of here!"
And he says
"Don't worry I'll throw the rhino down the stairs!"
He then threw a rhinoceros down the stairs and I woke up.

I think I need to cut the excessive amounts of sugar out of my diet.
But thanks Dad for saving the day in my dream, via super rhino tossing powers.
Way to step up to the challenge.

Does Anyone Have a Band-aid?

My friend fell last Friday and ended up in the hospital with a fractured vertebrae and a concussion.
She's okay.
She has to wear a back brace for two months but she will survive...we're going to bedazzle it.
I went to the hospital that night to check in on her and, after a hefty dose of pain meds, out poured some of these gems:
(Note: No limbs were amputated in the making of this story)

"I feel like i'm in NeverNeverLand and we're all the lost boys"

"Take pictures! I want to make a scrap book of this! Can you find a scrap book in the shape of a band-aid and put it all together so I can show people?"

"I want my hair done like Princess Leia from that movie"

Nurse: "Can I get you anything?"
Wounded Soldier: "Chicken! You can get me chicken!"

"I'm going to make a dating profile and one of the requirements will be 'must be able to push a wheelchair' "

Raisins

I hate raisins.

One time at the relative's house my uncle was eating raisins...then we all settled in to watch a movie and I was laying on the carpet.
I got up and my aunt screamed because there was a little black nugget on the ground.
She thought I pooed on the ground.
It was a raisin.
Who poos on someone's carpet?

Eff raisins.

Dancing House

Someone once told me that if I was a building I would be the Dancing House in Prague.
It was the best compliment I have ever received.

Wise for my Years

I am 26 and have lived in 4 decades so far.
Think on that.

Sen Sen Invasion

There are these little licorice squares that my Nana used to give me called "sen-sen". They're a breath freshener/candy thing that taste like potpourri smells and I only like them because they make me think of my youth and hanging out with Nana and her ice cream cone cereal.
Last year, while visiting Michigan, my Nana had come across some and offered me a packet and I was psyched (she was reluctant to part with them but I talked her into it).
I came back to L.A. and shared them with several people who spit them out immediately because they tasted like old people and pinecones.
Since then I keep them in my purse for emergencies (aka viscous garlic dinners...smooching with no gum on hand, etc).
Well...to make an already longer than necessary story shorter...they exploded in my purse. Every week I find the little squares in obsure places (even though I'm pretty sure I threw out 100's of the little monsters).
Yesterday I came home from the gym...was about to get in the shower...took off my sock.
And VOILA! A sen sen. Stuck to the bottom of my foot.
Sneaky bastards those sen-sen.

Don't Rain on My Parade

I was singing so loud in my car last night that I think I pulled a vocal chord...it feels like I have a sore throat but not really...more like a pulled muscle.

Apparently I need to stop pretending that I'm Barbara Streisand in Funny Girl and stick with Ani DiFranco.

Little Helper

Let me introduce you to my coworker: Stocking Stuffer

Grease Monkey

I hate applying sunscreen.
I hate the process and the time it takes and the greasy feeling after and the smell so much that I just stay out of the sun.
If anyone wants to send me a spray tan machine that applies odorless sunscreen that would be great.

Thanks in advance.

Sad Clown

I always have a quick moment of sadness every time I finish a vending machine bag of Famous Amos.
My mouth is like "really? only 5? Lick the crumbs!"
Unfortunately when I actually purchase a whole box I end of finishing it all in a day...so I guess some is better than 105.

A Lesson in Vocabulary

The Jetsons are on t.v. right now, I hit the "info" button on my remote to see which episode it is...here is that the info says:
"Cogswell threatens Spacely Sprockets with obsolescence"
This is a kid's program.
I used to watch this when I was 6.
I am now 26.
WTF does obsolescence mean?
And how is that supposed to help a child know what the show is about?

WWJD?

My friend came across this gem on Amazon.com.
What are Catholics buying these days?
Apparently customers who bought "Life With God" bought:
Communion cups, communion wafers, communion bread, and Astro glide lubricant.
So THAT'S what Jesus would do.

Robbers in My Thoughts

You know when you're thinking to yourself (aka talking to yourself in your head but you can't really say that because people will be all 'oh you hear voices' and then the next thing you know you're hopped up on meds sharing a room with a girl who barks at wallpaper)?
Well today my "inner voice" has a Brooklyn accent.
It's really creeping me out.

Saturday Randomness and Puppies

This is how I spent my Saturday night:
Armenian High School Basketball game
House Party with Hobart (golden retriever),
Emma (pitbull),
and Corby (village idiot who pees on everyone but I still love him)

And Then There Were Four

Look at my little trees!