I went on an online date in June (one of the five I will be reminiscing about here) and we met in Hollywood at a little bar on the boulevard.
Like 90% of the online guys I wasn't very attracted to him but since the guys I tend to be attracted to are broke mooches who live off of Taco Bell as a food staple or live in their car and have me do their laundry, I decided to stray from the norm.
He was waiting out in front of the bar for me and I immediately got that
"confirmed: attraction -negative"
feeling in my stomach. He had a shaved head (one where there is just enough shadow to see the massively receding hairline), a shirt that was probably from the line of Tommy Bahama circa 2005 and two sizes too big, and a pair of khaki cargo pants that must have been from the 90's since I don't think they make those anymore. In fact I think there was a mass burning of male cargo pants.
Needless to say he was not hot. But he's a nice guy.
So we go inside, and I like to think of myself as a good date and I figured "maybe he'll surprise me" and be super cool and I'll end up liking him. The conversation was going great, he wasn't getting any hotter, but we had things in common and he was as big of a Harry Potter nerd as I was so things were looking up.
And then he pulls a Power Protein Bar out of one of his eight cargo pockets and starts eating it...in the bar.
"I'm hypoglycemic"
Ummm...ok. Bald, bad dresser, hypoglycemic.
Not exactly things I want to date.
Then karaoke starts...he sings "Bust a Move" and he actually rocks it, he's running around and has the crowd dancing and I'm able to put the other shortcomings aside.
And another Power Bar.
...and then another.
The cargo pants are now making sense, he needs to hold an entire buffet in his pants.
It's getting late, almost 11:30 and I have to work the next day and I really can't handle seeing another snack come out of another pocket so I tell him I'm ready to go.
"No! I have one more karaoke song! I'm friends with the guy, hold on, I'm going to see if he can make me next"
Three more people go.
Ummm...sorry, I have to wake up at 6 and am still a good 45 minutes away from home, so tired, but thank you for a great night.
"I promise it'll be worth the wait, my friend said I'm next, one more song! Please!"
Okay, fine.
I'm expecting him to wow me, this better be the best karaoke song on the planet.
'Can Chris please come up to the stage'
Oh thank god.
"I'm on a boat motherf&*cker on a boat"
That was the song that I waited an extra 30 minutes for, I don't even know the song, it's horrible, and the crowd is over it too. Everyone is looking in opposite directions and wondering who this creepy white guy with the baggy clothing thinks he is.
And just when I think that this poor guy cannot embarrass himself anymore...we go to my car and he kisses me...and tastes like garlic (ugh I just shuddered and dry heaved thinking about it)...it was a 4 hour date...we didn't eat...where the hell is the garlic coming from!?
He continued to call me and text me for about a month after that.
He did not get a second date...ugh garlic.
I have to agree in this instance, nice guys really do finish last.
Like 90% of the online guys I wasn't very attracted to him but since the guys I tend to be attracted to are broke mooches who live off of Taco Bell as a food staple or live in their car and have me do their laundry, I decided to stray from the norm.
He was waiting out in front of the bar for me and I immediately got that
"confirmed: attraction -negative"
feeling in my stomach. He had a shaved head (one where there is just enough shadow to see the massively receding hairline), a shirt that was probably from the line of Tommy Bahama circa 2005 and two sizes too big, and a pair of khaki cargo pants that must have been from the 90's since I don't think they make those anymore. In fact I think there was a mass burning of male cargo pants.
Needless to say he was not hot. But he's a nice guy.
So we go inside, and I like to think of myself as a good date and I figured "maybe he'll surprise me" and be super cool and I'll end up liking him. The conversation was going great, he wasn't getting any hotter, but we had things in common and he was as big of a Harry Potter nerd as I was so things were looking up.
And then he pulls a Power Protein Bar out of one of his eight cargo pockets and starts eating it...in the bar.
"I'm hypoglycemic"
Ummm...ok. Bald, bad dresser, hypoglycemic.
Not exactly things I want to date.
Then karaoke starts...he sings "Bust a Move" and he actually rocks it, he's running around and has the crowd dancing and I'm able to put the other shortcomings aside.
And another Power Bar.
...and then another.
The cargo pants are now making sense, he needs to hold an entire buffet in his pants.
It's getting late, almost 11:30 and I have to work the next day and I really can't handle seeing another snack come out of another pocket so I tell him I'm ready to go.
"No! I have one more karaoke song! I'm friends with the guy, hold on, I'm going to see if he can make me next"
Three more people go.
Ummm...sorry, I have to wake up at 6 and am still a good 45 minutes away from home, so tired, but thank you for a great night.
"I promise it'll be worth the wait, my friend said I'm next, one more song! Please!"
Okay, fine.
I'm expecting him to wow me, this better be the best karaoke song on the planet.
'Can Chris please come up to the stage'
Oh thank god.
"I'm on a boat motherf&*cker on a boat"
That was the song that I waited an extra 30 minutes for, I don't even know the song, it's horrible, and the crowd is over it too. Everyone is looking in opposite directions and wondering who this creepy white guy with the baggy clothing thinks he is.
And just when I think that this poor guy cannot embarrass himself anymore...we go to my car and he kisses me...and tastes like garlic (ugh I just shuddered and dry heaved thinking about it)...it was a 4 hour date...we didn't eat...where the hell is the garlic coming from!?
He continued to call me and text me for about a month after that.
He did not get a second date...ugh garlic.
I have to agree in this instance, nice guys really do finish last.
