Swoosh

I stole his soul with my camera.
It's nice to know amidst the crack whores and garbage laden street corners of NY; hot men are a universal commodity.

Bleeding Heart

This is Tike.
She's a wild fox that lives outside my Dad's GF's house in Connecticut.
She has mange.
My Dad imports mange medicine from Illinois (not sure why Connecticut doesn't have mange medicine) and inserts it in hamburger meat to help save the fox.

This is Pierre (aka Skippy).
He is a squirrel that lives at my house.
He has fleas, and the appetite of a horse (please note the piece of cat food in his little hands).
We feed him, Mini, Mini's son Kinko, Penny the Possum, and recently two domesticated bunnies that randomly showed up on our front yard to snack on the two blades of grass growing there.

Apparently it runs in the family.

Big Apple

I have been to New York several times to visit my mother, and several other times on school field trips.
Conclusion: Yikes.

Let me recount my favorite memory from this trip:

On the bus into Harlem to take the Metro North to Connecticut (the bus smells like a mixture of pee and burnt hair) a woman and her son come onto the bus. The boy is about 4, has on a puffy coat and a hat covering his corn rows and he is hitting his mom and screaming. His mom is pulling him into the bus and then stops and starts hitting him back. Holy crap. She is wacking him. And then...ready for this...she says, and I quote (to be read with a ghetto accent)
"I'll cut you if you don't sit down, sit down!"
My first crack whore! Hooray!
Thank you New York for producing some of our nation's finest delinquents and future rap artists.

New Years Plans

My friend's plan for New Year's Eve:

A: i may just hang out in front of Ralph's with a case of beer and see if I can get invited somewhere

PC?

Enjoli: oh and the girl who has deaf signed me the best advice ready for this?

HP takes over the world

Best bumper sticker ever: "Republicans for Voldemort"

Fancy Schmancy

She wore this without a fight.
We have tamed the wild beast!

Make Up Your Mind

My friend's conversation with her boyfriend on babies and non babies:
(please note she is NOT pregnant nor trying, this is hypothetical)


he said, he's cool with termination, so i said, that'll do

and then he was confused

I said that I would probably keep it but if he thinks i killed it, it wouldnt matter.

then he said he wants to be a part of its life

bah!

too late

you wanted me to drown it

boys are so weird

Take It! Please!

I have either reached the age (26) where I look old enough to stop carding or I just look old. I went to Whole Foods yesterday to buy a bottle of wine for my boss and the cashier didn't ask for my I.D. This has been happening more and more frequently at various places.
Now, If I were 35+, obviously I look old enough to buy a bottle of wine...but I am 26! I have a skin care regimen that I do nightly to stay youthful and "card worthy".
So I took it out of my wallet and handed it to her with a "just in case". She looked at me and said "Oh, yeah, thanks"
26 is the new 50.

The Norm

Brandon:

went to the doc this morning

yearly physical

he touched my scrotum as he lectured me on alcohol addiction

the norm

I Make Trees

I am currently making 2 trees.
How awesome is that?

Nightmares

Stress brings on nightmares, and although 99% of my Christmas shopping was done a month ago, I'm still a bundle of nerves (headache, twitchy eye, yelling at strangers, getting mad at Uncle J for eating the last piece of pizza that he bought).
I originally thought it was PMS but it's been going on for a month so I blame it on the holidays.
Once I'm home i'll be fine...but yes...the point to this post:
Stress and nightmares.
Last night I had a nightmare that my sister was kidnapped and somehow I was in an episode of Law & Order or CSI or something of that genre and I turned to them and said "Wait, don't the victims on this show always turn up dead!?!" and yes, they do...so I started freaking out and was probably yelling in my sleep...woke up drenched in sweat terrified that something happened to her.
So I text her in the am and tell her about the dream and ask if she's okay and this is her reply:
"My stomach has been kidnapped by pancakes"
...and that made it all better.
My sisters are adorable.

The horror!

What is it about the holidays that makes everyone send/bake/buy food?
Every time I walk into the kitchen there is something new, Mexican cheesecake, peppermint cookies, boxes of Sees candy, bagels, pecan rolls...etc.
And of course, having no self control around food I have to try EVERYTHING.
Thanks a lot a-holes, now I have to spend twice as long on the treadmill.

Stick People

My Friend: http://fc01.deviantart.com/fs13/f/2007/077/2/e/Animator_vs__Animation_by_alanbecker.swf

Thought you would enjoy even though i hate stick people

Me: ha ha ha, why do you hate stick people?

My Friend: I don't know, it's on my list



What?

Say hello to my little friend

My aunt sent us "grow a Christmas tree" it was a mini potter with soil and seeds.
It is so cute.
I love plants...I have 6 at work (one is adopted from my boss who let it come near death) and 6 at home...crazy plant lady. I guess it's either plants or cats. I chose well.
Anyway, my sister and I decided to have a contest of who could grow the fastest tree.
Here is a picture of mine.
Hers is still just dirt.
Me = 1
Her = 0

Stop! Thief!

I bought some "Skinny Cow" fudge bars a few months ago on my health kick. They tasted like the sort of treat for obese people where they try and pretend that it's just as delicious as a giant chunk of cake but in reality it tastes like a poor man's Dove bar.
But still, there were about $6.00.
Let's do some math (and note, my name is very visibly on the box with a post it note)
I ate 2.
There were 6 in a box.
There is 1 left.
= someone ate 3 of "Cat B's" bars.
That's crap.
And now, someone is drinking my milk.
The milk I use for breakfast...I've had about 3 bowls full...and then it was gone.
This is bull!
There is a giant sign on the fridge that says "Those caught stealing someone else's food will have disciplinary action taken"
C'mon people, I can almost guarantee that everyone on my floor makes more money that I do.
Stop stealing the poor girl with student and car loans up to her chin's milk!
People suck.

Welcome to Loserville

As a result of it being the holidays...and the fact that I'm keeping it mellow and burying my head in a book instead of going out and spending money...I have nothing exciting to blog about.

But I did read a whole book this weekend...and wrapped some presents...and cried over my bank statement (just kidding).

I'll update when something interesting happens...or when I come up with something random that I feel compelled to share.

Give em the old Razzle Dazzle

It is a sad thing when I have to go to LeMonde.fr French news site to learn that Obama is sending 30,000 more troops into Afghanistan...because all of the headlines I have come across on the American sites are about Tiger Woods and his alleged affair and the White House Dinner Crashers.

Thank you France for keeping me updated on my country.

<3

Smushed

We should throw pies instead of fists.
The world would be delicious.

Pie Queen

I baked pies from scratch for Thanksgiving.
Key Lime and Apple.
I zested, squeezed, sliced, diced, sprinkled.
It was glorious.
Then 2 days later I tried making one of those Kraft EZMac cups designed that even a 10 year old can do it, all you have to do is add water and hit some buttons.
I messed it up. No joke.
I must've added too much water even though there is a very obvious fill line...but I ended up with unnaturally orange soup.
Needless to say the pies were a fluke, I am still a disaster in the kitchen.