Dating in L.A.

Here is an example of dating in L.A. told through the experiences of my friend Enjoli:
Friday night
She goes to a bar...meets a nice guy...his name is Oscar...hmm...that's her dog's name...that won't work. What does he do? He supervises the making of hot pockets.
Yes, hot pockets. And just in case she didn't believe him? He had sauce on his shoe and showed her.
No thank you, NEXT!
Saturday night
We go to a bar after the Blink 182 concert. A guy approaches her right away. My gay-dar went up. Fedora hat...button down shirt...acts like a gay man, except he's hitting on her like no one's business. So they have a good conversation, he's cute, not gay, they exchange #'s.
She gets a text at 3 am "Hey sexy lady".
3 am booty call text from the gay-not-gay man.
No thank you, NEXT!
I would love to say that these are rare occurrences but they're not. Gay men are straight, straight men are guy, and some just want to show you their sauce.
On the bright side, Gerard Butler was standing right next to us while we ate dinner Saturday night. Hot. Hot hot hot.