Jack the Tire Slasher

I was in a wedding this weekend in Arizona. I drove out because it was cheaper to do so and I knew it would be helpful to have an extra car.
The wedding was Saturday so we set up the reception hall Friday p.m.
We were there about an hour, it looked amazing, we get in the car and start heading home.
I make it two feet.
Thunk thunk thunkthunkthunk.
"I think I have a flat tire"
"I think you do too"
"&@*&^$&, I always get flats &*#*&(@"
So these two older gents from the hotel come help me put my donut on. I am staying calm so as not to freak out the bride but I am all
"I'm taking this car to the dealer, this is my fourth flat, rah rah rah defective car rah rah rah blah blibbity"
The bride walks back to the hotel to see if her mom can follow us home.
They also have a flat.
So does the car next to them.
And the one next to them.
5 cars total. 1 flat per.
Now, this is Prescott Valley. Cowboy bars and dessert. Not a crime place.
So we have to bring the cops into it and file a police report.
HOT COP. HOT HOT COP.
There's another couple that parked across the way that had their golf clubs "stolen"
They were in their 60's probably, classy couple, wealthy and DRUNKITY DRUNK.
The wife is all "I'm a writer, I will write a bad review about this hotel"
Cop: "Are there any broken windows? Sign of entry?"
Wife: "No, but the golf clubs are gone! And I'm a writer!"
The way we see it, they got drunk and homeslice left his clubs on the greens.

The next morning I get a new tire and the wedding goes through beautifully.
All in all a great weekend...other than Jack the Tire Slasher on the loose.
Hooligans!